I am still here. My blogging life has taken a hiatus as I have been either puking or lying in the bed whining about feeling like I may puke at any moment. In between those wonderful activities I have been going to school and driving my 2 crazies to all their appointments. Exhausted isn't even a word that can describe how I have felt lately. But alas, all of this is paying off. I am in my 12th week of pregnancy and I am nearing the end of this dreadful first trimester. I really don't want to complain about it too much, because I am thankful to still be carrying this little baby. With every bout of morning sickness comes a bit of relief because in the back of my mind I hear 'your still pregnant...puking is a good sign.'
With my first pregnancy I didn't understand the gratefulness for pregnancy symptoms. I just knew I felt bad. It wasn't until I lost our baby that I missed waking up sick. So, for all the times I have felt horrible this time around...I am very very thankful. We had our last ultrasound at 8wks 5days. The baby had a wonderful heartbeat at 174. I am going back to the dr this thursday for my 13wk checkup. Nothing too exciting though. If I remember right, it's just to hear the heartbeat on the doppler :) I am looking forward to hearing it though, as it always eases my mind a bit. This is a scary time for me during a pregnancy. I wasn't much further along than this when I started to miscarry our first baby. Most people will say your 'out of the woods' once you hit 13 weeks, but I don't ever feel that way until I can feel the baby moving pretty regularly. I try not to stress too much tho and just put my trust in my Father's hand.
Enough about the pregnancy. We took the boys to the wilderness over spring break, and had a great time together. Eli tried a lot of new things and that always makes me happy. Getting him to try new things can be very challenging but he is doing so well. I also signed Eli up for an art class that meets on Wednesdays after school. I took him 2 weeks ago. I just sent him in and took Zack outside to play. When it was time I went in and got him and we left. A week later the teacher called me to tell me that if I wanted to continue to bring him that I would have to stay in there with him. FIRST...I understand her point of view. I really really do. But it also felt like someone punched me in the stomach at first. Eli has not been able to play any sports or do any kinds of 'normal' activities. He is not in any school programs. He does not go to VBS because he can't handle the craziness of it all without melting down. I thought an Art class would be perfect for him because he loves to draw and do crafts. But he is also hard to get to focus, especially when he is excited. So I do see where the teacher is coming from. But it didn't keep me from bawling. It's just one more reminder that he does not fit in. There are times that I feel like we are doing well and we a completely normal family. Then something happens and I am reminded that we can't always do 'normal' activities with him. And it isn't a great feeling. I haven't decided whether or not I want to take him back.
No...I don't know the gender of this baby yet. I just wanted you to open this and read it. I have been asked so many times during this pregnancy if I want a boy or girl. I always hesitate on answering. Is there a part of me that secretly longs for dance classes and gymnastics? Is there a feeling that I am missing out on something great by not purchasing head bands with flowers the size of a basketball? I would lie if I said no. There is a part of me that longs to have a little girl...I mean who doesn't LOVE the disney princess movies? But (there's always a but) I don't want to 'hope' for one gender over the other. 
