It has been such a roller coaster of a day. I have been so nauseated all day. I had my first ultrasound for this pregnancy. I should be elated. And I am happy. I got to get a glimpse at the little life that is growing inside of me. I was so blessed to see a tiny little flickering heartbeat. It was tiny, but gives me so much hope. With each pregnancy I worry about the very real possibility of miscarriage. Once you have been down that path it's hard not to worry. It's even harder when you have done it twice. Seeing the heartbeat does ease my mind a lot. I am trying my hardest not to let my mind wander. My baby is tiny. Much smaller than I thought it would be. I should have been 6 weeks and 1 day but the computer wouldn't even give an estimate. I am hoping that I am just earlier than I thought. I get to go back in a couple of weeks and have another ultrasound. I know my God is able to do mighty things.
Here on the potter's wheel,
I find myself once more,
My faults and frailties Bring me here just like before,
With strong and loving hands The pressure is applied,
Oft times I tremble as He puts me thru the fire
I'll trust the potter's hands, He knows what's best for me,
He has a perfect plan These human eyes can't see,
He's the potter; I'm the clay,
He knows just how much I can take,
When I face the fire again I'll trust the potter's hands
http://christiansongoftheday.blogspot.com/2012/07/ill-trust-potters-hands.html#sthash.4VSu5Z4B.dpuf
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Big News.
So we are expecting #3!!! We are so excited to be having another baby. Our boys are getting so big and it will be so much fun to have a little one again. I have had blood work done and we are going on the 30th for an ultrasound. So much excitement going on here. But also lots of things to think about. We are starting to figure out about bedrooms and where to put everyone to sleep. I also am doing an mental inventory of the baby items that I still have. Just a lot of thinking of what we may need. All of this I expected. What I didn't expect was the reaction from people that I have gotten.
I kind of expected people to be a little more candid about their shock/disapproval. LOL Most of the people who know us are happy, or at least can pretend to be. I get it...3 kids is probably more than other people think we should have. I know I just have to get tougher skin and I am. It's a slow process. But it started growing over the last 2 years while dealing with Eli's issues.
But I am happy. I cannot wait to have another newborn to love on. I have always wanted a 3rd child. I have said in the past that I was done having kids. But I blame a lot of that on how I let other people's opinions affect me. It is easy to say 'ignore them' but to actually do it is much harder. It's hard to ignore the stares and shaking heads. For the first 5 years of my parenting experience I got to hear everyone's opinion on what I was doing wrong with Eli. How I should stop his behaviors. I let the stares and whispers of others make me feel like less of a parent. Once I stopped letting the stares bother me I started to feel more confident as a mother. Once I learned to pull Eli aside and zone out the rest of the world while I dealt with his meltdowns, I learned how to listen to my child's needs. I was not always able to fix whatever was bothering him. But I learned from them. I started to notice when and what triggered them. I stopped caring what other people thought of us. And it was amazing how much higher I was able to hold my head when we would walk out of a movie theater that he had previously freaked out in.
I also started accepting help. I realize that I am only one person. And sometimes it's okay to ask someone for help when nothing I have done has worked. Sometimes people will surprise you. I have to mention having a great support system helps as well. My strongest support has came from therapists, teachers, counselors and doctors...who all hold a special place in my heart. These are the people who sat with me while I cried and begged for their guidance. They are the ones who told me there is some hope and that my situation was not hopeless. Sometimes I look back and think of how crazy I must have looked at an initial intake with mascara running down my face and puffy eyes. But I was blessed with amazing therapists and all. They didn't call me crazy. They didn't patronize me. They took my concerns seriously and gave me ideas of how to cope with what we were dealing with. For that I am so thankful. They didn't look down on me or call me a bad parent. They saw me, a mom who was desperately trying to figure out how to help her child.
And friends who see past the meltdowns and quirkiness of my Eli. Instead they see him...they see a kid who just experiences this world a little differently and they see me, a mom who is trying just like them to raise her child the best that I know how. I am so thankful for the amazing friends who keep having play dates with us even when the last one didn't go so well. The friends who I can call and just rant to about anything. These friendships keep me sane.
*sigh* I am not perfect. I lose my cool pretty much everyday. I don't always keep my patience with my boys. My husband is witness to that. But I love them with everything in me. And we are so happy and thankful for this pregnancy. We cannot wait to meet the child that God has blessed us with. So YAY...another little person to celebrate and love. Who wouldn't be happy about that?!
I kind of expected people to be a little more candid about their shock/disapproval. LOL Most of the people who know us are happy, or at least can pretend to be. I get it...3 kids is probably more than other people think we should have. I know I just have to get tougher skin and I am. It's a slow process. But it started growing over the last 2 years while dealing with Eli's issues.
But I am happy. I cannot wait to have another newborn to love on. I have always wanted a 3rd child. I have said in the past that I was done having kids. But I blame a lot of that on how I let other people's opinions affect me. It is easy to say 'ignore them' but to actually do it is much harder. It's hard to ignore the stares and shaking heads. For the first 5 years of my parenting experience I got to hear everyone's opinion on what I was doing wrong with Eli. How I should stop his behaviors. I let the stares and whispers of others make me feel like less of a parent. Once I stopped letting the stares bother me I started to feel more confident as a mother. Once I learned to pull Eli aside and zone out the rest of the world while I dealt with his meltdowns, I learned how to listen to my child's needs. I was not always able to fix whatever was bothering him. But I learned from them. I started to notice when and what triggered them. I stopped caring what other people thought of us. And it was amazing how much higher I was able to hold my head when we would walk out of a movie theater that he had previously freaked out in.
I also started accepting help. I realize that I am only one person. And sometimes it's okay to ask someone for help when nothing I have done has worked. Sometimes people will surprise you. I have to mention having a great support system helps as well. My strongest support has came from therapists, teachers, counselors and doctors...who all hold a special place in my heart. These are the people who sat with me while I cried and begged for their guidance. They are the ones who told me there is some hope and that my situation was not hopeless. Sometimes I look back and think of how crazy I must have looked at an initial intake with mascara running down my face and puffy eyes. But I was blessed with amazing therapists and all. They didn't call me crazy. They didn't patronize me. They took my concerns seriously and gave me ideas of how to cope with what we were dealing with. For that I am so thankful. They didn't look down on me or call me a bad parent. They saw me, a mom who was desperately trying to figure out how to help her child.
And friends who see past the meltdowns and quirkiness of my Eli. Instead they see him...they see a kid who just experiences this world a little differently and they see me, a mom who is trying just like them to raise her child the best that I know how. I am so thankful for the amazing friends who keep having play dates with us even when the last one didn't go so well. The friends who I can call and just rant to about anything. These friendships keep me sane.
*sigh* I am not perfect. I lose my cool pretty much everyday. I don't always keep my patience with my boys. My husband is witness to that. But I love them with everything in me. And we are so happy and thankful for this pregnancy. We cannot wait to meet the child that God has blessed us with. So YAY...another little person to celebrate and love. Who wouldn't be happy about that?!
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